I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
There's always time for handjobs
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
