no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
