I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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