She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
