Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
