I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
