See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
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I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
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Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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