Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
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I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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