I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
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