I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
