Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
