i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
