In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
