I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
