I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
