i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
