Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
