So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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