wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
