I just threw up on my dentist
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
