I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
