the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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