I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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