Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
