i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
