you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
