i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
