i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
