i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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