College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
He has the fingertips of a God
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