There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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