it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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