i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
