My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
