Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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