I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just googled if crying burns calories
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
