You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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