just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize