I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
