The best revenge is premature balding
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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