omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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