I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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