she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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