shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
