another moral hangover. fuck.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
