I'm drive I can fine osifer
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
