you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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