He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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