She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
