I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
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you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
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The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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