Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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