she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
