So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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