it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
