Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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