come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
