I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
