update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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