Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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