My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
