there's paper in my vomit.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
