dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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