I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
