i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
