watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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