Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
We got so high we made milksteak
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
