Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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