I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
