why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
